As a child I wasn't a fan of Halloween. Now I'm still not a fan of Halloween and the evil in me hopes that there are no trick-or-treaters so I can keep all the Reese's cups to myself  (Don't judge me. They are mine and I was asked to buy them).



1. Halloween is for kids and I’m tired of grown folks hijacking the day to try to make it more adult (Anyone over the age of 16 who still wears costumes and it has not one thing to do with helping or entertaining a kid needs to sit down in a corner somewhere).

2. Halloween is not even a real holiday. Why is there so much hype over a day where you can’t get off from work or school for any justifiable reason?

3. That black and orange candy was, is and will always be the WORST candy ever made. I’m not even sure where they sell that crap but sure enough if you have a kid that candy might end up in their bag and they will not eat it.

4. Who decided on black and orange being the official Halloween colors anyway? Orange is ugly on everything except fruit and the sky.

5. The costumes aren’t creative anymore. If at anytime I turn on the news and I see more than one person dressed up as Honey Boo Boo then I know that all hope (if there ever was any to begin with) is lost (And yes all hope is lost because I’ve seen at least 3 Honey Boo Boo costumes today).

6. Continuing on #5. Putting on underwear and one accessory does not constitute as a “sexy” costume. That means you’re a lazy ass who just wants people to give you a one day pass on looking like a whore. (If this includes you then please proceed to read point #1 again).

7. If you’re like me you get so bored that you realize that a lot of the candy is the same (as in Almond Joy and Mounds are the same candy with different chocolate, a Milky Way is a Snickers with no peanuts and a Pay Day is a Baby Ruth with no chocolate).

8. Pumpkins are nasty as hell. There’s not one part of it that’s good to eat and that includes pumpkin seeds (which makes me mad because they aren’t easy to get open unlike sunflower seeds).

9. I’m not fond of all the neighborhood stores hoarding all of the eggs because bad ass teenagers buy them all up to throw at each other (I’m also not fond of said teenagers having terrible aim because the eggs always end up on the sidewalk).

10. I don’t understand why Halloween candy has to be so damn expensive to only get like 3 actual kids to come to your house. Who the hell is trying to pay 8.99 for a bag of candy that will end up costing 3.99 on November 3rd?