This while pretty much accurate throws so much shade on the West Side (Mostly because the basic Chicago definition is when you live further west than you do north or south and since that doesn't take up very much space nobody knows how to draw that in a map).

1. I’m gonna let you in on an unspoken secret about Chicago that people who live here know but will never say to anyone either because they don’t know how to say it or because their friends are from out of town and don’t understand. Anyway, Chicago is for tourists. All of the nice things about Chicago (minus Navy Pier which has its own little special designation) is for people with truckloads of money or people not from here. People who actually do live here carry on as if there’s not one damn thing to do here and that’s why people act the way that is portrayed in the media (P.S. nobody with 0.00000003 oz of sense will tell you to go to Woodlawn, Roseland, Englewood, North Lawndale, the northwest part of Chatham, Austin, Pilsen, Little Villiage or Auburn-Gresham).

2. Ok so I downed Chicago a little tough there so to balance some things out I’ll tell you about some of the good Chicago neighborhoods that don’t include the obvious areas like the Gold Coast (which is mostly high class except for the summer when crap like this happens) The South and West Loop are nice places (albeit expensive but some of those high rise condos on Roosevelt near the lake will have you in tears when you think of the view from inside). The media will have you to believe that Lincoln Park is the only place where comfortable living can be achieved which is somewhat true but if you’re black then you might wanna consider looking at Beverly, Hyde Park, the south part of Chatham, most of Morgan Park and the area north of the University of Chicago which basically includes Hyde Park, parts of Kenwood and Lake Park (but never go immediately south or west of the U of C campus. Those areas (Woodlawn and the outskirts of Englewood) will have you wondering who the hell thought it was a good idea to put a top tier university in that area).

3. I’m sure you can tell by now that I’m probably super upset today. Since it’s a long story and I’m running on maybe 4 hours of sleep I will not nor will I ever get into the details of it. Sorry.

4. The news media thrives on the general ineptitude of the public. National polls are worth the toilet paper you have already wiped your ass with. They know this and they are banking on this come election night when they are forced to talk about the electoral map and there will be places that people forever act shocked about when one candidate doesn’t win (For example…Obama will not win Mississippi, Alabama or Georgia. I don’t care that every black person in NY, Detroit and Chicago have relatives who live in at least one of those 3 states…it’s not happening for him. Don’t be surprised. Also when they bring out that fancy county-by-county map you may wonder how Obama won the states he did win…again if your school offered a simple social studies class in school you would understand why it looks the way it does don’t be surprised. Wise up on that or look up this site to get a quick lesson).

5. I’ve so desperately been itching to air my grievances out about Halloween but I’ll save it until Wednesday when it will be completely relevant and 100% worth it.