School. I never liked it and I don’t miss it so I found 100 things that stuck with me that didn’t involve actually learning anything. The first 20 is about Kindergarten because that's as far back as I can remember.



1. There are kids out there who are more annoying than my brother

2. Sharing doesn’t always mean caring and I didn’t care to share doing a puzzle with another kid

3. Tying my shoes was hard so after that I just wore Velcro laces #problemsolved

4. Barney was, is and will always be for babies and yes I could tell something was off about Sesame Street

5. Remember that big parachute thing they made kids lift up and down? Yeah that’s not good if you’re a short kid

6. My insomnia started early because I could never fall asleep at naptime (Who thought it was a good idea to have snack time after naptime?)

7. Teachers really had no right to get upset when they asked me the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and my answer was always I don’t know. All the jobs I ever knew about at age 5 were for guys except teaching and being a nurse which…no.

8. Sending a 5 year old to school in stockings and expecting them not to be torn by the end of the day is unrealistic

9. I realized then and there that my name looked weird written down

10. I couldn’t cross my legs right when they made us sit in a circle and I still can’t do it so there

11. Teachers really shouldn’t use glitter and glue guns around 5 year olds. It makes them want to use it more

12. Show and tell sucks when you hate talking in front of people and you don’t have any good stuff to show off

13. I hated holding hands with other kids. Couldn’t they see the germs? Damn

14. The teachers do talk about certain kids behind their backs. That’s where kids learn how to bully. Not from other kids like popular thought suggests

15. Despite teachers’ worst fears, kids do not want to eat the paint. It’s way more interesting to put glue on your hands and watch it dry before peeling it off

16. No I don’t want to sing or act in a school play. I guess they realized early on that acting wasn’t for me because the next play after my Black History Month presentation they made my ass play a damn bunny (I was too short to be a tree)

17. Damn all those kids getting stuck on the letter ‘M’ during those Hooked on Phonics lessons. Because of that I’m eternally fucked when it comes to saying any words that have ‘R’ or ‘S’ in them because we never got that far

18. All drawings and notes written by every 5 year old ever look exactly the same

19. I grew to have a hatred for hair barettes and beads

20. is it me or do Kindergarten teachers never move on? They stay at the same place until they retire and it’s awkward when they recognize you 10 years later