Tuesday, January 1, 2013
10 Reasons Why Holidays Suck: New Year’s Edition
New Year, new me right? Ah no.
1. It’s the only day of the year that is more dead than any given Sunday morning at 6am (If you have ever had to go outside for anything at 6am on a Sunday morning especially work then you know what I am talking about. It’s one of the saddest things you can ever witness in life).
2. Because the eternal pessimist in me says that what sucked yesterday and right now will keep sucking tomorrow and a new year will not change that.
3. Fools who shoot at midnight for a whole hour. I hate that so much and no I’m not used to the sound of gunshots. Stereotypes would have you believe that all of Chicago is a war zone when it’s really only 3-4 areas (2 of which I happen to know quite well and would never recommend to anyone to visit).
4. Everyone is hung over and gives crazy glares towards the person/people who do not drink (Aka me. Don’t look at me because I chose to sip on water all night.)
5. Because I have to start getting used to putting 2013 on crap (I wasn’t comfortable with putting 2012 on stuff until August. Shows how much of a slow person I am).
6. Resolutions are for suckers (why does today have to be different? Either you’re going to do what you say you’re going to do or you’re not. No date on a calendar will change that).
7. I don’t care for the “first babies of the New Year” stories on the news because the baby looks like a baby (as in cuteness cannot be determined after only 6 hours) and why should we celebrate 2 people who may or may not have been smart enough to have sex on or near April Fool’s Day?
8. All the good bowl games start before 3pm. (I will be present for Northwestern. The hell I look like watching the Rose Bowl parade? I’m only here for the football…and not that particular game because Wisconsin is trash and it should have been Oregon playing).
9. I can’t stand the smell or sight of Black Eyed Peas.
10. Because I’m not prepared for any of the fuckery that will go down this year and I guarantee I will have reached my yearly tolerance of it in about 8 days.
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2 comments:
" cuteness cannot be determined after only 6 hours"
From a person who has given birth I must say AMEN! You cannot tell how good looking or who a baby looks like for at least a day or two when they get used to not being scrunched up! My daughter was an emergency premie and I know I'm not supposed to say mean things about other people's babies but dang some of those kids in there looked like CHUD's (cannibalistic huminoid underground dwellers!) And yes people know when their child is not pretty because they smile with pride when people say : Your baby is cute (cute is a baby monkey!) or your baby is so precious ( all infants are precious until they start crying!). Believe me when my sister took one look at my daughter ( family got to see her before I did because of surgery) and said she looked like and uncooked chicken I had to take her word for it. My Sister didn't lie. In fact one of my daughter's first nick names was Lil' Chicken. LOL!
My mom once told me that when my dad first saw me after I was born that he thought I looked like a wrinkled old lady. No comments need to be given on fresh out of the womb babies. They all basically look the same anyway.
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