If you’ve been coming here for the past 2 months you know I am damn tired of the election process and every miniscule thing it stands for. Now the day of reckoning is nearly upon us and the time has come for us to get back to what’s important…which is not giving a crap about a damn thing that comes out of anyone’s mouths unless it affects us personally or it is scandalous.

So this is my satirical, non-partisan (yes non-partisan because I am well past tired of the bickering and trolling on both sides ruining the comments of political articles) take on the do’s and don’ts of Election Day and the day after.

On Election Day

Do- vote (This is what the day is about right?)

Don’t– vote (Well if you don’t want to or feel like voting who the hell am I to tell other grown folks what to do).

Do- Buy or prepare a few snacks to watch vote returns with a few friends and family

Do- Buy or prepare a few snacks to watch whatever else is on cable with a few friends and family

Don’t- Have a big ass party that rivals that of the local or national candidates (It ain’t even that serious).

Don’t- Wonder why your candidate of choice lost a certain state just because you know everyone voted for your candidate where you live (Where you live does not equal the whole state. Just sayin’)

Do- Wonder why the hell these pundits are talking in circles about nothing because they are high on caffeine and Xanax when only about 8% of the vote in an unimportant state is in.

Do- take your ass to bed if the election is called before 1am (There is nothing that needs to be said that won’t be said on the internet the next day).

The Next Day If Your Candidate Wins

Do- Buy a newspaper to commemorate the event.

Don’t- Buy every newspaper you can find to commemorate the event.

Do- Breathe a sigh of relief that America made the right choice (in your opinion).

Don’t- Troll your neighbors and coworkers because their candidate lost (Please. The fighting must end now. There will be time to restart all that crap in 2014 when people start running again).

Do- Pull up your lawn signs (and take all your Halloween crap down while you’re at it too).

Don’t- Come to work or school or wherever the hell you go to carry on your daytime business decked out in every button, hat or bootleg political shirt you bought off the highway exit you could find.

The Next Day If Your Candidate Loses

Do- Sigh and accept reality that this country is screwed.

Don’t- Come to work/school/whatever moping (Take the L with dignity so that means no calling off either. You're going to need every dollar you can get for the next 4 years anyway).

Do- Book your plane tickets to go on vacation for the holidays (perhaps permanently if you were a trash-talker).

Don’t- Let anyone you know who supported the other candidate see you do it.

Do- Brush off your shoulders and give an aura of not being worried.

Don’t- Do anything crazy or stupid like snap on people (Do you really want the news to chronicle your last actions in life as a disgruntled stan? No, I don’t think so).

The Next Day If You Don’t Care About the Election

Do- Stay off the internet and avoid watching TV.

Don’t- Buy a newspaper.

Do- Evade all questions and comments about the election.

Don’t- Give your peanut gallery comments about how you didn’t vote (just wait 4-5 months and then go nuts).

Do- Breathe a sigh of relief that all of those wretched TV ads and robo calls are gone.

Don’t- Cuss out those poor have-not-one-damn-thing-better-to-do people standing outside of the store or train station collecting signatures for stuff to go on the ballot for the next election.